How many people to screw in a light bulb?

We have all heard this question and then await the usually comical answer. Have you ever considered whether the question is really silly or is it used as a measure of the person or company we ask the question about? Have you ever considered for example how many people are required to screw in a light bulb at your local authority? Probably not and the answer is one. The preparation however is staggering. Allow me to expand.

You need a new light bulb so you need to raise a request on the proper form. The form was developed with the input of consultants, reviewed by the forms department and was approved by a committee. Sadly the form you need is out of stock so you must first complete the forms request form. This was also developed with consultants and approved by a different committees. Both forms are regularly reviewed independently by an audit team supported by independent consultants if necessary.

The request for the light bulb completed it is sent to the purchasing department where it is reviewed. Noting that the date has not been entered correctly it is returned for correction. With the corrected form in hand the purchasing department requests a health and safety review and submits the case to the project management team. With all paperwork now complete it goes to committee. The committee considers consultants, but with the budget restrictions it decides that is not necessary on this occasion. It also considers a full tender, so refers it to legal.

Legal is busy so the request is put on the pile. A month later legal gets to the light bulb project and consults council, who advise that the request falls within the tender limits. With clearance from legal the light bulb goes back to committee, where it is quickly approved.

The project team sweeps into action, appoints a manager and a project plan. The project manager books an appointment with facilities management in 3 weeks time. Facilities management has a crisis, delays the meeting at the last minute but another two weeks later agrees to accept the project.

Vladimir is asked to screw in the light bulb. He notes that no information has been given about the wattage, or type of bulb. Whilst the request goes back through the chain, Vladimir wanders over to the offending light, discovers it is a bayonet type bulb, not the screw type, picks a bulb from his bag and fixes the problem. As he wanders off the various committees regroup to consider what the wattage and type of bulb should be. With some luck all will be in place for the next replacement.

Now with a light bulb this is obviously rather silly, but picture what happens when someone finds out about child abuse. What chance do they have of getting it through this system, a system with too many people and not enough individual responsibility. Time to reduce our bloated government departments and get more Vladimirs? After all, the best decisions are made by a committee of three, of which two are absent.